“Deep regret goes further than just saying you are sorry. Deep regret says that if I could turn the clock back, and if I could do anything about it, I would have liked to have avoided it.” -F.W. de Klerk

At our PTO meeting last week, Ms. Wilkewitz discussed relationships, mending them, and the 4-part apology. When in relationship, it is important to apologize when we mistreat someone. An apology can rebuild the dignity of the person that was hurt and smooth over conflict. A genuine apology lets others know you are truly sorry and sends a message that you want to restore trust.  An apology cannot change what has been done, but it can help to ease the tension and relieve stress.

At school, we teach our students to use a four-step apology. When something goes wrong, we recognize that we need to take action to make it right.

1. Express Regret- We start by saying exactly what we are sorry for. It is not enough to simply say “I am sorry”, we need to acknowledge that a wrong occurred. “I am sorry for teasing you.”

2. Accept Responsibility- Second, state why it is wrong, which is acknowledgment that we are aware we did wrong. “This is wrong because I hurt your feelings.” The receiver wants to hear that you understand your role in contributing to his or her hurt feelings.

3. Make Restitution/Genuinely Expressing the Desire to Change Your Behavior- Third, share what your plan is to change and make a better choice in the future. The important piece to this apology is reassurance that it will not happen again. “In the future, I will use encouraging words.”

4. Request Forgiveness- Lastly, ask for forgiveness. It is important that we ask to be forgiven for our mistakes as part of ensuring that the relationship can be repaired. By forgiving, it does not mean the offense was alright, it means you have been forgiven for the poor choice and the forgiver wants to help you be better. Forgiveness is the power to realize we all make mistakes, gives someone a second chance, is understanding, is kindness, and is what being a Titan is all about!

Our students are provided many opportunities to grow in this skill of apologizing throughout elementary. Our hope is that when they become adults, these skills have become a part of who they are every day. What does forgiveness look like at your house? Are you a person that is quick to forgive or do you take time to process? How do you practice forgiveness when resolving conflict between your children? How do you forgive someone, especially when you believe he/she will never change? Forgiveness can often be a struggle between the heart and the head. Be the example of forgiveness for your child!

In Partnership,
Becca DeMeyer
Principal